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March 1st, 2007
03:21 pm
ok so its been along time yet again....
my life:
i have learned something that made me so happy, but that was awhile ago.
Its hard to except that things are going well or that things are going to be the way you wanted them to be wrong.... dont get me wrong im not saying things go bad my whole life. infact mostly good, but very lil does it go the exact way i want it to...
so i look at it and wonder even after it has happened.
im mostly good that much is true, i wish i could say the same for alot of my friends. but i cant.
how is everyone that still reads these things? i have been reading all of your guys, and im said to say i have lost touch with someone of you guys
give me a hollar
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November 29th, 2006
06:50 pm
ok, so my emo livejournal, i wish it wasnt so, but it is.
i want to be happy for someone, but it really just means my hope is lost, so its hard, specially since i can hate anyone but myself for this feeling.
and what is the point of college, i dont want to do anything, i dont have a drive, i have nothing to push me. I am just a waste on economy, i would just sit in my room all day watch tv, read, and play games. then go out with friends if asked what i really wanted to do. i have nothing i want to be.
except maybe not myself, maybe normal for once.
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November 2nd, 2006
07:02 pm - rant of the month, whats your views on it?
so this has been on my mind for a while, feel free to tell me your views on it.
for this i will go back to middle school terms
what is the difference between liking someone and like liking them? im really not sure, are there words to express the difference? you care for you friends, and for the other person, you like them both. you can have friends that are attractive, but not feel anything for, and you can have a specail someone who isnt. what is it? honestly when I break it down they are the same as a friend but different, but what makes it different? and can you feel both ways for someone thru your life? does anyone know the word for that different feeling? can you turn it off? I know you can go from liking someone to like liking them, but can you go the opposite way? and if you can, can you force it? i really wish i knew what that thing that made it differnt was, because with that you could change it. that i am sure. so many this isnt a rant, but more of a group of questions. i dont even know why this is in my head. college can be confussing, but great also. the only thing that would make it better, is old friends and a car. i wonder if high school or if this is the best time in my life. i would like to think there is no best point in your life, cause if that was true, life would be nothing compared to that amazing moment. hmmm. and what would be the point of other friends they could have the great moment with you? i hope there will be just as many good memories here as in highschool. i have so many they make me smile, and tear up a bit, which isnt allowed, im a guy.
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October 21st, 2006
05:09 am - truth...?
sometimes, the truth can be the most painful thing ever. specially when its something that you didnt even think it could be. i been emotional, and now i am either pushing it deep inside myself, or i have come to an understanding. which i can not say. i cant sleep, and i think about it some, but it seems ok, i am thankful for honest, for while it hurt so very much, it also has kept it from dragging on. but now the question comes are my motives what i think they are or are the other possiblity, can i even. i still feel bad, and maybe im not over it, but instead just use to the pain. i dont know. and i guess none of you know what im talking about so. a girl hurt me, she didnt mean to, and was nice, and honest, but it still hurt, alot. thats what it comes down too. but what can you do? you cant change their mind, and whinying over it doesnt help. but then i also guess this whole thing is a whiny thing. she wants to be my friend, and i think i want to be hers, but im not sure if its cause i want to, or cause i like her, and want to try to make her mine, cause if thats the case then i shouldnt. but i think shes my best friend. and i fear that even talking time to not talk to her, would make her think we would never be friends. so im not sure, i cant sleep. so oh well. just the truth sucks, but then better that then a lie, and you have to respect honesty. so i shouldnt be a bitch about it
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August 31st, 2006
09:59 am
i am a creature of imperfection, and imagination... this is not a good thing, for it leads my mind to horrible things. dark things. i need to calm down, what happens happens. and there is always one way to kill the pain...
college is easier than model was, i think. atleast most classes, some might be harder, but if everything stays the way it is now i could have a 4.0 so yeah.. oh and im doing homework
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August 28th, 2006
04:16 pm
grrrrr. it seem all i do in this is bitch and you know what thats what i have decided this one is for. i end to learn control i need to learn not to let my mind jump all over the place. i need to, but i havnt. i so fucking angry over something that im sure my mind made up. this school doesnt even have a punching bag, and i surrounded by football players. worst of all if i damage the room i have to pay for it, so no punching the door. i just want ro ripe something in half. today was such a good day too. what makes it worse is even if the thing i made up was true i dont think i could be angry about it, maybe i could i dont know. thats what makes it worse.
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August 21st, 2006
08:29 pm
so im in another one of my dark moods, i dont know why im sharing.... its been a while since i have had one... i fucking hate everything.. nothing is bad, it just doesnt seem good
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August 12th, 2006
01:02 am
some pain you never get use to. nor should you.... yeah
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July 23rd, 2006
11:49 am
some convos are needed, it doesnt mean they still dont suck.
I feel kinda down, and i dont want to be, and dont think i should be...
one day i will master my thoughts and feelings.
i dont want to stay home today, but i also think if i go anywhere i will be a downer, i wish i had a book to read.
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June 18th, 2006
11:43 pm
I hate it when you are mad at someone but you cant tell them, cause they really didnt do anything, and your mad at something you shouldnt be mad at. Im in a bad mood, and want to smash something, but there is nothing to smash... good think i can lift tomorrow, turn anger into fitness, probly not healthy.... FUck Fuck FUcK. i hate grrr. ill be better in the morning i hope... sometimes you can be so smart you are stupid...
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